First, there was the dawn of mankind. Then, there was Super Mario. Mario taps into an almost instinctual desire among all of us: have we all not, at some point, simply wished to jump? Yes, yes we all have, and though the bonds of gravity trap us cruelly, we can still imagine our wildest dreams with a happy little red man who jumps really high. But as we jump, have we ever truly considered what this jumping means, what it says? Nobody has ever asked me to do this, so clearly, the masses are secretly yearning for a brave soul to rank the Mario games in order of ideological worth. We can always jump, but what jump will bring us a brighter future? That is the answer we will find today.
#14: Super Mario Bros. 3
We’ve always known Mario has an unfortunate penchant for propping up monarchies, and perpetuating the iron grip of the Peach family over the toads of the Mushroom Kingdom. But apparently that wasn’t enough for him, because in this game he takes time out of his way to rescue seven whole kings along the way! Seven! Seven more unjust concentrations of power intentionally propped up by our monarchist plumber here. One would hope that after the events of the first game, Mario would have learned the error of his ways, that one cannot fix a broken system by simply changing the person at the top. Clearly, he has instead doubled down, believing that the systems as are must be incrementally fixed, that stable corrupt systems are preferable to anything else. Mario Bros 3 is a tale of a jump man who restores a horrifying order in his quest to stop Bowser, a true cautionary tale.
#13: Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins
Mario isn’t fighting for any princesses, monarchies, no, none of that in this entry. So why is this so low? Because Mario is fighting for his obscene showing of private property, an entire castle that he cannot possibly use personally. Sure, Wario probably isn’t a great person either, but in order to buy into Mario’s quest here, you need to believe that he is entitled to such swaths of land, an abhorrent belief. How many toads could that castle house if it was properly utilized? How much land surrounding the castle is usable for farming, or simple utility for the citizens? But no, Mario has the final say on all this, likely charging obscene rent if he even allows anyone into his domain, and certainly wouldn’t allow the poor to have a say on what to do in the land. This is what Mario is fighting for in this game. There can be no happy ending here.
#12: Super Mario 64
Another classic tale of Mario fighting for a monarchy yet again, so what makes this one stand out? Mario isn’t just fighting to save Peach here, but the focus is expressly on taking back her entire castle, yet another lavish display of capital and property. There are like 3 toads and a rabbit inside the castle, so clearly none of Mario’s motivation is towards any serious loss of life at risk inside the castle. Clearly, not content with simply maintaining his own outrageous property, Mario feels compelled to rush inside and return the castle to the “rightful” owner. Obviously, no reflection has been made, and the toads of the Mushroom Kingdom truly have no allies here. 64 depicts a property rights squabble between a king and a princess, and the violent actions of an equally rich plumber to sway the debate. There is simply nothing to aspire to.
#11: Super Mario Bros. (and 3D Land)
A classic tale of a plumber saving a princess, and in the process propping up the Mushroom Kingdom’s most powerful, oldest, and most unjust monarchy. Sure, Bowser styles himself a king as well, definitely not a better choice, but Mario is more than happy to simply restore the status quo in a time of upheaval and call it a job well done. This was the first time Mario was ever shown as saving a monarchical figure, and though it was small, it clearly paved the way for more and more outrageous acts of wealth. Also 3D Land is here too because it’s the exact same story plus some postcards. Cute postcards? Sure. But postcards can’t erase the morals you’re failing to uphold, Mario.
#10: New Super Mario Bros. (all of them)
So these are pretty standard, pretty much just following the first game’s story, mostly just adding Luigi as an ally, solidifying his status as a clear class traitor. However, I will give the bros one point in taking down the Koopa Kids: clear nepotism at work, as Bowser gives power to his relatives instead of whoever is most qualified. Credit where it’s due, at least the bros understand this and clearly know it cannot stand. Stop propping up the Peach dynasty sometimes maybe?
#9: Super Mario Land
I’m a little torn here. On one hand, Mario is yet again saving a kingdom and a princess (Daisy) and then just letting those systems perpetuate. On the other hand, the villains here are space aliens who clearly wish to destroy and take over the planet, and probably wouldn’t stop at just the Sarasaland conquest. So Mario probably did the world a good here: I mean, colonizing space aliens are generally considered good to fight and get rid of. He’s still clearly too obsessed with winning the favour of royalty in the process of saving the world, but at least we can see here that Mario can do something besides saving monarchies and their property over and over. Maybe just, have a talk with Daisy about unjust hierarchy sometime?
#8: Super Mario 3D World
So, you might be wondering, huh? Isn’t 3D world a game where you basically do what you always do, rescuing multiple princesses of the Sprixie Kingdom being the only difference? Sure, it might seem that way, and I wouldn’t call the Mario gang’s actions the best idea, but it’s certainly more justifiable than the usual affair. This is basically an alternate dimension that none of them have any relation to, so it makes sense that none of them might want to meddle in the politics of it: what does a being a sprixie princess even mean? Is it simply a title used in a different way than we think of it? For that matter, do any of them have a right to meddle in the affairs of a place you barely understand? Certainly, they could have done more, but there is a certain logic to letting parallel dimensions be handled by the people who actually know how they work. The 4 (later 5) player characters obviously see Bowser as their responsibility, and do not wish to do much else: I’m calling this as morally grey. I certainly wouldn’t have the confidence that I wouldn’t totally mess up a parallel dimension. 3D World seems bad, but when you think about it a bit, it’s hard to condemn the actions of our protagonists all that much here. Points off for having Peach playable, though. No royalty as my protagonist!
#7: Super Mario World
For once, Mario isn’t rescuing a kingdom or any royalty! Huzzah! There is light at the end of this tunnel! Again, I am a little uncertain about his methods, mainly, in Mario’s exploitation of the local Yoshi populace to stop Bowser’s takeover of their homeland. Yes, he’s helping them, but it’s fairly uncertain what’s going on whenever Mario rides a Yoshi. Has he talked to them beforehand, coming to an agreement to do this? Is he just commandeering any inhabitant he comes across, tramping over their free will in his short sighted efforts, believing he is doing them a favour, when he is merely perpetuating the worldview of Bowser? The animation of Mario seemingly punching the Yoshi’s in gameplay doesn’t help matters, either. Ultimately, though, this is a 16-bit game from 1990, and the political intricacies and implications of controlling a foreign saviour of a land aren’t given enough details (I blame Miyamoto). All we know for certain is that you do save an island nation from an invading imperialist force, and then have a nice party with the Yoshis afterwards. So that’s nice! But lingering questions remain about Mario’s methods and motives, so I cannot place this entry any higher.
#6:Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island
It’s. This is a story about a dinosaur rescuing some babies from being kidnapped. What else am I supposed to say here? There’s no brilliant political ideology here but do you really expect me to say “hmmm seems problematic” when you’re trying to save a baby??? Sure Mario does grow up to do some not ideal things but Yoshi can’t see the future! And it might seem irresponsible to bring a baby on an adventure, but it’s clearly shown in gameplay that Bowser’s minions are ready to swoop in at any moment, so Yoshi doesn’t have much of a choice but to bring him along really. So good job saving the babies, Yoshi! We don’t blame you for Mario’s future crimes.
#5: Super Mario Bros 2.
Spoilers: this one’s all a dream. Does that make it pointless to the Mario universe? Probably, but it’s still a story, just one that diagetically exists inside Mario’s brain, and I can still critique it on those merits, dangit! The details are scarce, as dreams often are, but the gist of it is that Mario and the gang enter a land named subcon, and a tyrant named Wart is shown as the villain, oppressing the inhabitants of the land. Wart is defeated by the player, the people of the land thank you for your efforts in aiding them, and the game ends. Not much here, but there’s not much to critique: overthrowing tyrants is good in my book! If only Mario could take his dreams and apply some self reflection and action to the real world based off them.
#4: Super Mario Odyssey
Mario rescues Peach again, yadda yadda, same old story, but Odyssey definitely has aspirations to be more than propaganda for the Peach dynasty. Bowser isn’t trying to take over the kingdom, but instead is trying to force Peach into marrying him, and no matter your opinion of her, nobody deserves their free will and autonomy to be trampled such. The focus of the game is, for once, not taking back castles (property), but simply helping the lands that Bowser has been selfishly exploiting for his own purposes. Rather than simply swapping monarchs, Mario is, for once, taking an active stand against Bowser and directly helping the people hurt by his actions. He’s using his abilities to help the community in ways the others cannot, an aspirational and noble thing to do. It’s a shame that the end goal still must be monarchy, because really, Mario is simply dedicated to helping those in need in his most recent outing, a nice pleasant thing that hopefully keeps up. The possession is also… Um… I hope Mario gets consent next time before he takes over the bodies of sentient beings. That’s all.
#3: Super Mario Galaxy
Galaxy is great, at least in terms of the kind of community it shows. Mario’s home base here is the Comet Observatory, a lovely sanctuary for the Lumas to inhabit: and it’s quite obviously the leftist ideal of a commune! There’s no expectation to work, nor is any money or resources expected from the occupants. Mario, Luigi, and the Toads are all also welcomed and accommodated quite pleasantly. Mario isn’t working to stay there, he’s platforming and adventuring to help the community how he wants. We even see proper allocation of resources to those who need more, with the hungry lumas being fed adequately with no judgement as to their differing needs. Truly, the platonic ideal of this radical living setup. Sadly, this is reduced in the second game, as Mario is now idolized with his face as the ship, making him far too much of a leader and having far too much power within the community. Still though, the Galaxy games do have admirable depictions of these homes. And I’d hope we all agree that the goal of saving the galaxy is politically quite good, no?
#2: Super Mario Sunshine
Environmentalism! Fighting an invading force away from an autonomous island! Not as much emphasis on princess saving! Truly, this is a Mario game that’s almost as politically aware as you can get. Sure, Mario is falsely convinced of a crime he obviously did not do at the start (some subtle commentary on how punitive justice systems fail, clearly), and is forced into helping. But by the end of the game, when he’s cleared his name, well, Mario will still stick around and help the islanders with his unique skillset: he’s clearly come to appreciate the island, and earnestly just wishes to help them before he leaves now. The entire setup of the story is politically solid, too: the islanders clearly have an environmentally sustainable lifestyle going, and the invasion of Bowser and the pollution can be seen as parallel to real industrialization forced on peoples who did not want it. Mario Sunshine is simply a wonderful tale, condemning the destruction of the earth, and showing us a plumber who grows to appreciate the value of direct action and helping the people however he can.
#1: Mario Bros.
The first game where we see the plumber’s famous name, is also a tale of the working class, where Mario is putting in good hard work to help the city, at great risk to his own safety. Mario is, at this point in time, but a humble citizen, likely knowing how he is being exploited by the upper class, but also knowing his work is important enough to be done despite this injustice. Mario Bros. is, on a broad level, a depiction of the hardships of those without capital and the means of production, as players come to realize how dangerous and difficult this work is, with barely any coins being collected for this extraordinary work. We live through the potential failures, the deaths of Mario, and even if we do not die, the endless grind will eventually cause us to become bored, losing our spirit, as capitalism is wont to do. Mario Bros. is a simple game, with a simple message, and yet in that simplicity, it is unburdened by awkward questions or any worries about its political values. Despite this, Mario Bros. is also a tragic game, through no fault of its own. We see Mario, a working class icon, become more and more corrupted by wealth, monarchy, and hierarchy as the series continues. His humble origins have been long forgotten, his greed all that defines him in the eyes of the world. One day, perhaps, Mario can think back on his roots, and understand how far he has fallen. Only then can the damage he has done to the kingdom begin to be repaired.
God I hope nobody thinks this is a serious political analysis
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